TikTok.

Don’t be fooled by the title, this has nothing to do with dancing teenagers being spied on by the Chinese government; this is about something altogether more frightening. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if this was cool or not. Do you think a stark reminder of the impending inevitability of our species’ destruction of the planet we inhabit is cool? I don’t particularly – but I used to wear acid wash spray-on skinny jeans, so what the hell do I know about cool? Installed by artists Gan Golan and Andrew Boyd in Manhattan’s famous Union Square, the ‘Climate Clock’ counts down exactly how long we’ve got left to prevent an irreversible climate crisis. Based on our current emissions rates, the countdown gives us 7 years and 102 days (101 when you’re reading this actually, gulp) until we have entirely depleted the Earth’s carbon budget. Christ, that really is terrifying – I’m going to have to fuel up my Land Rover and go for a long drive to clear my head. Might order an ASOS package too, can always just sent it back if I don’t like it. And if that doesn’t work maybe I’ll put the heating on full and turn all the lights on in my house to bring a bit of warmth and light back into my life. But seriously, somebody really needs to do something about this bloody climate already.

Hairmet™ ®.

The countdown to the end of the world is pretty frightening, but you oughtn’t be tearing your hair out over it. Although, maybe now it wouldn’t matter so much if you did, thanks to this snazzy new product. In great news for follicly-challenged gentlemen everywhere, but terrible news for wigmakers, LG have just debuted a hair growth helmet that combats male pattern baldness. With Christmas rapidly approaching, this could well be the perfect gift for your dad – as long as you accept the very real possibility that he may react badly and use his new hair helmet to savagely beat you with. It’s incredibly simple though: just strap it to your head, sacrifice your dignity, and allow 146 lasers and 104 LED lights to penetrate your cranium, and within 16 weeks you’ll have the barnet of your dreams. So we might not be able to slow the destruction of the planet, but we may now be able to give Gregg Wallace a mullet. Overall, I’m chalking that off as a win.

Mac Buys a Football Club.

Things are looking anything but peachy for non-league clubs at the moment. Without the income generated by a live gate, and with few people clamouring to see the Isthmian League live on Sky Sports, many clubs are struggling to stay afloat. But it’s not all doom and gloom for one particular non-league club, as it appears that in one of the most unexpected turns of an already pretty “unpredictable” year, Hollywood A-listers Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney have emerged as the front runners to buy Wrexham AFC. What I assumed at first to be a nonsense rumour seems to actually be true, to the point where their £2million bid has already been approved by the Wrexham Supporters Trust, who will now enter further talks with the pair. Having watched It’s Always Sunny in Philadelpha at least 7 times, this has certainly piqued my interest. The club are currently languishing in the National League, but who knows what they could achieve with a sufficient supply of crows to produce enough Fight Milk for the whole squad. Watch this space. Wrexham AFC will be giving Barcelona an ocular pat-down in no time.

Optimus Grime.

The title doesn’t quite work for this, but I’ve always thought it would be a good name for a rapper and have never had a chance to say it, so get over it. I don’t know what the hell is going on in Japan, but they appear to have built a very big robot. I saw that they also had an election last week, but forget that – this is obviously far more important. Standing at 59-foot, the ‘Gundam’ has just successfully moved for the first time, completing a number of basic tests that included turning its head and even taking the knee. He’s a bit slower getting down than most footballers so would likely be caught out of position when the game starts, but overall he pulled it all off pretty smoothly. I tried to do some digging to find out exactly why they’ve built this and what on Earth is actually going on, but there is surprisingly little by way of an explanation. All avenues of enquiry seem to point to basically the same answer: ‘why wouldn’t you build a great big f*ck off robot?’. Fair play. I’m still very confused by all this, but I’m pretty sure I like it.

Cold War Steve On Tour.

Being a proud Kentish son, I always like to take any opportunity to use coolsh*t to share some of the glorious culture that this great county has to offer. For example, a few weeks ago I told you about a pint-sized stuntman who set himself on fire to propose to his Amazonian girlfriend. Yet this week, that incredibly high bar was somehow raised further, as satirical artist Cold War Steve graced the shores of Medway in the first stop of his ‘Cold War Steve Meets the Outside World’ tour. I discovered Cold War Steve at the start of lockdown back in March, and he’s kept me entertained since. Fortunately for him, as somebody who has made a career out of ridiculing public figures’ failings and transgressions, he’s had plenty of fodder to play with during this period. Regular features have included: a sh*t-stained nappy-wearing Boris Johnson, Dominic Cummings with some dark glasses straining to look at a castle, and a personal favourite, Nigel Farage dumping a box of kittens into the English channel. All of whom are almost always condemned by the disapproving gaze of an onlooking Phil Mitchell. Harold Shipman also pops up occasionally too, because why not? For this and more, check out his socials. Alternatively, if you live in Bournemouth, Coventry or Liverpool, keep an eye out for his next ‘colossal new outdoor artwork’ coming to your city very soon.

Generation Anxious.

In by far the coolest sh*t of the week, we have just released our latest Next Gen Insight Report, ‘Generation Anxious.’

We have a youth mental health crisis on our hands. Or do we? It’s become so easy to blame young people for being glued to their phones and inflicting problems upon themselves. But it’s a relationship that’s more nuanced than popular rhetoric gives credit for. Gen Z are taking back control of their own narrative surrounding mental health and social media.

We explore why this is and what it means for brands as we spoke to members of our SELFHOOD network about their own experiences, as well as some important expert voices that included a clinical psychologist and CEO of leading mental health charity, The Mix.

To download the full report, click below.