Touchdown.

As you may have heard, NASA’s Perseverance rover touched down on the surface of Mars last week. But you may have missed this footage released by NASA from the moments leading up to the ‘TD’, which I’m reliably informed is astronautical jargon for ‘touchdown’. It really does represent a historic achievement, and perhaps the first small step towards the intergalactic colonisation that we’ve all been so desperately hoping for. No? Just me? But what’s really remarkable about this video isn’t the footage itself, but the YouTube comments. Plenty of people are already pointing out how suspiciously similar ‘Mars’ looks to Arizona. And they’ve got a point, to be fair – although, by the looks of it, there are aren’t quite so many cacti and retirees on Mars. Well, not yet – just wait until Elon Musk gets his hands on it, then it’ll be condominiums galore up there. They’ve reportedly had no Martian sightings as of yet, but give it time. Although this does now provide the answer to the question of whether or not we would ever see an alien spacecraft landing in our lifetimes. Turns out the answer is yes, but we’re the aliens.

Spec Saviours.

It seems that each year there’s a new technological quantum leap forwards that makes the world feel just that little bit more like the film ‘Spy Kids’. Although, I haven’t seen Antonio Banderas scrapping any of these creepy thumb people – yet. With their newly released XR1 AR smart viewers, Qualcomm have levelled up AR glasses in line with their vision of the optimized and efficient workspace of the future. They come fully equipped with two speakers, three microphones, and a high-resolution display that will whack a load of holograms up around your WFH ‘office’ to prevent your desk and workspace from becoming cluttered. Which is fairly incredible, but I do feel they may be slightly overestimating productivity levels. I can only speak for myself, but the only things currently on my desk are a chewed pen and a half-eaten danish pastry – and, in a moment, my head, once I get done writing this exhausting paragraph and take a well-earned break. So I don’t know how much I need these, but I certainly wouldn’t say no.

Fashun.

The worlds of football and fashion become more and more intertwined with each passing season. Gone are the days when Wayne Rooney could turn up to a bar looking suave in a pair of bootleg jeans and his smartest astro turfs. These days, clubs will spend months upon months designing and redesigning next season’s kits, presumably with some superfluous detailing that ‘symbolises’ some nonsense about their history. This is a far cry from the days when Chelsea’s design team would simply say, “You reckon we should make it blue again?” and be met with a resounding “yeah go on then.” Vintage shirts have been popping for a few years now, but Art of Football are turning their attention elsewhere for their latest line of sweatshirts, by upcycling scarves from all over the footballing world. Comprising over 110 teams across the range, you’re likely to find your side in there. Unless you support Everton, in which case they probably won’t have bothered, because nobody gives a sh*t about them.

Fartbot.

It’s always good to diversify your portfolio, and Panasonic have decided to do just that by taking a step away from their typical televisions, washing machines and dishwashers to unveil NICOBO, a flatulent, feline robot friend. After a crowdfunding campaign that reached its target in just 6 hours, Panasonic have committed to developing more of the companion robots, which are basically just meant to be cats for people with allergies. Described as a ‘housemate’, NICOBO will be able to develop its own personality and will try to make its cohabitors happier through “gentle gestures like waving its tail, babbling baby words, and sometimes releasing excess air trapped inside its little body.” I’m not sure about the tail part, but that near enough describes me post-Christmas dinner after my 10^th roast potato and 6^th premium lager. But unlike NICOBO, I have no plans on coming to live with you – sorry. Also unlike me, NICOBO is equipped with microphones, cameras and touch sensors that allow it to recognize when someone’s around, talking to it, petting it or hugging it and will adjust its emotions in order to match those of its housemates. With 320 already released and instantly sold, these could be the terrifying future of pets.

You Vs. Your Lizard Brain.

Have you ever wondered why you feel physically and psychologically compelled beyond any rational thought process to saying “fuck it, go on then” when you get that email from ASOS offering you 20% off when you spend 50 quid? Turns out it’s because, if you scratch beneath the surface of you and your strange brain just a little bit, you’re actually a lizard. Well, kind of. Chill out, David Icke – get back in goal. This isn’t some wild conspiratorial claim about the royal family being reptiles (even though they clearly are) and is actually rooted in, of all things, science. Granted, it’s arguably of the Joe Rogan ‘bro science’ school of thought, but that’s close enough. In their new ad, Yolt are helping us subdue that lizard inside each of us and his insatiable thirst for Dopamine, as their app will conveniently “help the human brain take back control” by managing our money for us. How thoughtful of them. So, if you’re struggling to let go of your gecko, this could be a shout for you. Although personally I’ve had a word with my lizard, and he thinks this is a terrible idea and has instructed me to start booking holidays for June 21^st.

Ok Boomer.

Ok Boomer, it’s time to test your Next Gen knowledge. We put together another pop quiz to see who’s been paying attention these last couple months. Put your skills to the test and see how many you know. If you get more than 5: fair play, you passed. Any less than that? Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear – we should probably talk.