Sunday League Samba.

It’s a well-established fact that the person who ends up playing left back for their Sunday League team is typically the worst player. The one who’s just happy to be on the pitch. Or they’ve got a screw loose. In fact, I’m pretty sure the left back for one of my childhood teams is in prison now. And if he isn’t, then lord help us all. On some very rare occasions, though, you’ll come across that one left back with a wand of a left foot who glides across the grass and could have been an excellent winger but just enjoyed crunching tackles too much. A Roberto Carlos type, for example. eBay are giving one Sunday league team the chance to replace Barry from the Dog & Duck with not just a ‘Roberto Carlos type’, but Roberto Carlos himself. And he’s only going to cost a fiver. His agent needs to be sacked. With all proceeds being donated to Football Beyond Borders, the raffle closes on January 31^st (same as the regular transfer window), so there’s still time get those entries in. Although it could create an awkward dynamic in the dressing room before the game deciding who’s going to be on free kicks. Might be tricky for captain Keith to make his case.

Driving into the Future.

What ever happened to good, old-fashioned family road trips in which you might play a bit of eye-spy, eat a couple sandwiches, do a crossword together, and have an enormous row that would ruin the holiday? The kids of tomorrow will never understand. Now, they can pretend their parents don’t even exist whilst they get reluctantly chauffeured to Devon, thanks to this backseat cinema set-up that’ll be offered in new BMWs. Complete with a colossal 31-inch 8K screen, surround sound and Amazon Fire TV accessibility, this is labelled by BMW as the “in-car entertainment of the future.” Although I suppose they would say that. Oh yeah, the screen also descends from the skies at the touch of a button to a backing track by Hans Zimmer – because of course it does. It’s hard to see what the driver – AKA the person who will actually be paying for the car – is getting out of these new features, but don’t worry, BMW have got them covered. The front seats will feature an extra cup holder and the steering wheel has a novelty horn. These kids are going to be truly horrid.

Rules Rule.

The patron saint of Kent, Tracey Emin, is opening up an art school in sunny Margate. Apologies, not just an art school, but a so-called “revolutionary art school”. Oooo, alright, Che Guevara. The school will function as a studio space for 30 lucky artists, as well as a “mini-museum” featuring Emin’s own work. The upcoming project, titled TKE Studios after Tracey Karima Emin, is part of a wider vision to turn the Margate into an “artist’s haven”, which also includes the launch of a three-to-four-month artist’s residency scheme at a second location. Admission doesn’t half come with some stipulations though. “No sub-letting, no smoking, no loud music. And if people don’t want to do the rules then they won’t have a studio there.” Not allowing artists to smoke? Heaven forbid. That’s like telling a butcher he isn’t allowed any knives. If she also bans contrived philosophising on the human condition then they’ll really be screwed. All these rules don’t feel terribly “revolutionary”…

Lest We Forget.

Given that we’ve recently entered a new year, you may be in need of a new calendar. Especially if you can’t bear to look at the Everton one your nan got you for Christmas because it just makes you a little angry every time Jonjoe Kenny catches your eye. Speaking entirely hypothetically, of course. Fortunately, we’ve found a far superior option. In the past, I’d often thought that simply resorting to bashing the government was a fairly unimaginative, low-hanging fruit approach to satire. But when you can make an entire calendar documenting 365 days of f*ck ups, it’s easy to see how everything is not quite tickety-boo. That is precisely what 12 independent artists, spearheaded by Oriel Wells, have created, with all profits being donated to charities of the 12 artists’ choice. So pick one up if you want to remember last year through a slightly depressing filter. Hopefully they’ve left space to fill in this year’s inevitable f*ck ups.

Going Underground.

Having a minor panic attack any time you see a headline with David Attenborough’s name in it has become one of those little national idiosyncrasies that really unites us. Celebrating the launch of Attenborough’s new show, The Green Planet, BBC Creative has transformed Green Park tube station into an “otherworldly” immersive experience. Does it make sense running an elaborate marketing campaign in the London underground during a time when the majority of commuters are at home working in their pyjamas? No, of course not. But this is still a solid effort. It might have been a little confusing for the few commuters still making their way into the office who haven’t had their morning coffee yet, but I’m sure they worked it out eventually. For the campaign, titled Welcome to Their World, all platform signage has been changed to read ‘Green Planet’, and the wide spectrum of plant life featured in the series is showcased across the station. There’s even an AR display running the trailer. No doubt all those people staring at their feet just trying to get out the station as quickly as possible were positively captivated.

Lucky Swine.

With the scientific community’s current obsession with space travel, robotics, and theories of everything, it’s easy to forget about some arguably less sexy but equally necessary progress being made on this planet and in this dimension. Besides, what makes a pig heart less interesting than interplanetary colonisation? Yeah, fair enough – I realised when I said it. I’ve given it away slightly, but this week a US man became the first person to get a heart transplant from a genetically-modified pig. It had already been fairly common practice to use pig heart valves, but never the whole hog before. Currently, 7 people die every day in the US waiting for a transplant, with more than 100,000 reportedly on the waiting list, and this transplant is seen as a significant step towards at least partially solving the organ shortage crisis. I ought to mention that this does raise some ethical questions, which you can read about here, if you’re so inclined. However, it is at least an extraordinary achievement in medical science. Plus, I’d presume snatching a pig’s heart isn’t typically the first option when someone comes in with a sore throat, but in a case of literal life or death, maybe fair dos? I don’t know. I’ve never seen ‘Babe’, to be fair. We’ll leave you with that to ponder and make your own mind up on.