Sole Mates.

Having recently been sidelined from running due to developing a “dead left arse cheek” (tragically not a joke, but a real diagnosis from a part-time osteopath and full-time charlatan), I’ve become rather more sympathetic to the idea that it’s probably worth investing in a decent pair of shoes to exercise in.  

…But this is just taking the piss.  

Nike and Hyperice have collaborated to create a pair of boots that massage their wearer’s feet using heat and air compression. At the touch of a button, athletes can choose from three levels of intensity ranging from ‘moderate’ to ‘bloke called Ivan with big Russian hands that’ll kneed you like the stubborn piece of dough that you are’.  

We might even see these on display at the Olympics this summer if France hasn’t set itself on fire by then, which based on the last couple weeks seems to happen whenever they’re really happy or really angry. Now if only someone could figure out a way to resurrect half a bottom.

Necro Fancy.

Speaking of resurrections, when did we decide that nobody gets to just die anymore? Must we have such hubris as to play God? Are tech bros in Silicon Valley the modern-day equivalent to Prometheus teaching us mere mortals how to use fire? And does that mean Elon Musk ought to be chained to a rock in the Caucusus and condemned to have an eagle arrive daily and feast on his liver in a cycle repeating for all eternity?  

In the latest piece of innovation that might make you feel a bit gross, ElevanLabs have brought the voices of Judy Garland, James Dean, Burt Reynolds and Sir Laurence Olivier back to life through its AI reader app. Now you can listen to some of your favourite dearly-departed celebrities narrate works such as Frank Baum’s The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes.  

Is this a bit creepy? Sure. But just think of the possibilities. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in hearing Colonel Gaddafi narrate Mr Tickle.

Keep On Rolling.

You know you’ve made it when your brand name becomes the accepted generic category noun for a type of product. Jacuzzi, Thermos and Frisbee spring to mind. And not just because I’m currently having a soak whilst eating minestrone and playing catch. But if there’s one brand that stands out above all others in this regard, it’s Rizla.  

Regardless of whether it’s an actual branded Rizla or just those irritating double packs of papers in an Amber Leaf 3-in-1 that always get trapped in the middle bit, you call it a Rizla. That’s the definition of iconic. And that’s precisely the reason Places+Faces have broken their own rule about doing collabs.  

In what represents a full circle moment for P+F, they went from producing bootleg Rizla merch just a few years ago to now scoring an official collab. If “Bell em again lad” were a clothing line, it would look something like this. Glorious. Way better than the upcoming BoohooMan x Lost Mary collab that I just made up.

Wurst Behaviour.

One of the great paradoxes of our existence is the baffling fact that in Germany your best sausage… is also your wurst.  

If there’s one thing we love, it’s clever, minimal, reactive marketing. And if there are two things we love, the other is probably a sausage. Field Roast, a Canadian purveyor of similarly paradoxical plant-based pork, combined just those two things to create an OOH campaign inspired by Charli XCX’s visually distinctive and conveniently titled ‘Brat’ album.  

This might seem like a niche reference that would go over most people’s heads, but fortunately the type of individual who listens to Charli XCX is the same type who guzzles down vegan sausages and loses sleep thinking about carbon, so in that sense it was incredibly well targeted. Not bad for 2 days work.

Tread On My Memes.

The Hawk Tuah girl phenomenon is one of the more extraordinary stories the internet has had to offer in recent times. Never in human history has a single, ostensibly-isolated act yielded such outsized implications. That girl saying those few fateful words was like Martin Luther nailing his 95 Theses to the Wittenburg Church door: nothing was ever the same again (even though that event is entirely apocryphal Lutheran propaganda and never actually happened).  

This is a family friendly show so I’m not going to lower the tone by delving into the disgusting detail of this filthy smut, but feel free to edify yourself in your own time. The reason this is noteworthy is that the now-infamous Hawk Tuah girl has managed to leverage her ephemeral moment of virality (probably a poor choice of words given the context) into what is now looking like a fully-fledged career path. She’s been rinsing interviews and has now even started flogging trucker caps with her catchphrase plastered on them (again, poor choice of words).  

The question is, does one admire the hustle or lament the jubilant moral degradation of a civilisation in decline? And do they ship to the UK?

Screen Saviours.

Do you feel like you already have too many screens in your life? Is hunching over a desk Monday to Friday giving you the posture of a sclerotic nonagenarian? Does the outside world feel like an increasingly foreign concept by the day? Nonsense! You need more screens! The real world is overrated. There are things out there that can hurt you. You will sit at your desk all day, you will eat bugs, you will own nothing and you will be happy about it! Klaus Schwab said so! 

This week Spatial computing company Sightful unveiled Spacetop G1, an augmented reality laptop that projects multiple floating screens in front of its users’ eyes.  

The device, which the company dubs as the ‘world’s first,’ spans up to 100 inches of space and width, allowing users to set up their portable workstation anywhere. Now you can never escape those passive aggressive ‘as per my last email’ notifications. What a treat it’ll be to be able to procrastinate and get nothing done on dozens of screens rather than just one.