Socra-tees.

Greece. The land that gave us democracy, philosophy and gyros. That last one might sound trivial but I’ve never heard anyone say, “I’m peckish, I could smash some Nicomachean ethics right about now”. Plus how can you trust democracy and the implied wisdom of the masses when Coldplay have over 86 million monthly Spotify listeners?

Fairest Greece, this sad relic of departed worth, is also now the land that gave us Athens Kallithea FC’s new kit launch. Masterminded by Ted Philipakos, President and Creative Director of the club, the campaign (which can be seen in all its glory here) celebrates Kallithea’s return to the topflight of Greek football for the first time in 18 years. Yep, football teams have creative directors now. Scunthorpe United are tapping up Gok Wan for the role as we speak. Game’s gone.

But the result is nothing short of sublime. Dare we say it ouzos class. In fact, this campaign doesn’t even exist in the visible world you see before you; it resides in the Platonic realm of the forms where nothing is real and yet everything is hyperreal. Now someone get me a kebab.

Just Don't Stop Oil.

I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it until I’m as blue in the face as a dissenting journalist impudent enough to criticise His Excellency Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman: I don’t know precisely what’s going on in Saudi Arabia at the moment… but I like it.

We’re not going to talk about Neom or The Line because we’re starting to feel like Rick Astley singing the same song for over 30 years – we were going to say Sisyphus but we used up the entirety of our Hellenic quota in the first story – so if you don’t know what we’re talking about, just go read about the Vision 2030 project.

In their latest stab at soft diplomacy, the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia have just announced their FIFA World Cup 2034 official bid submission. They initially intended to go in with a subtle, muted approach but then some bold luminary said, “make it way more neon and put a donk on it”. Now here we are. I’m sold. I’ll bet you any amount of Riyal they’ll win as well. And if you happen to see some FIFA executives cutting about in thobes and Rolexes, just mind your damn business.

Carpool Karaoke.

Don’t worry, James Corden isn’t about to materialise before your eyes. He’s far too busy berating a waiter over the whispering of white in his wife’s egg yolk omelette. The US got him, we got Kevin Spacey. I’m honestly not sure who had the better end of that deal.

Hate him or loathe him, Mr. Corden is an absolute content machine (content as in material, not as in satisfied). Now, one of his better ideas (or whoever he pays to have his ideas for him) has been pinched by Elon Musk, who must have momentarily taken a break from prognosticating a pan-European civil war.

Dubbed “CaraokeMic”, Tesla now sells karaoke microphones for its cars. They even feature anti-howling technology so your voice can be heard loud and clear at all times, which is great news unless you want to sing Smokestack Lightning. And we haven’t even mentioned the best bit… the mics are capable of over 10 hours of continuous singing between each charge. If the nuclear family wasn’t already dead, being forced to hear your nearest and dearest belt out Taylor Swift on a road trip from John o’ Groats to Land’s End might just put the final nail in the coffin.

Don't Look Back in Manga.

You’ve probably by now seen the iconic image of Yusuf Dikec, the Turkish sharpshooter who took home the silver medal (and all of our hearts) at the Paris Olympics. We wanted to talk about it in last week’s coolsh*t but it was hard to justify including a story which was basically just some bloke standing with his hands in his pockets – no matter how gangster it was. But now he’s been turned into a manga, and that’s good enough for us.

Dikec went viral for turning up to the games in a plain tee and his regular Vision Express glasses before proceeding to destroy all (but one) of the competition with their silly goggles and fancy scopes. You might think it would be a better story if he’d won gold, but silver’s way cooler. Less try-hard. It’s the equivalent of a 2:1 compared to a First. It says you’ve achieved something, but you had also had a laugh.

Japanese X users have since given him the nickname ‘Uncle Free-to-Play’ and cast him as the protagonist of countless manga tributes, including one AI rendition of him as a cat boy in reference to his love of felines. Not that he gives a shit. Like we said, gangster.

House of the Flagon

Sometimes a piece of cutting-edge technology arrives to make our daily lives easier and more enjoyable… and sometimes it lets us play the electronic portative organ.

The EP–1320 medieval is the world’s first medieval electronic instrument. They might have given it a more whimsical name. Presumably ‘Sir Dancelot’ was taken.

It comes loaded with hundreds of medieval sounds and samples, a redesigned set of effects and punch-in fx, a brand new arpeggiator and a collection of multisampled instruments. People are going to riot when they hear about this. Oh wait, they already are. Come on, fellas; less looting, more luting.

So what are you waiting for? Gather your oxgang, get on the mead, blast your hurdy gurdys, belt out some Gregorian chants, and take your rightful place upon this royal throne of kings, this sceptred isle, this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars.

Man's Best Friend.

You might be sick of us sharing AI stories by now. Allow us to offer two responses. 1) Fair enough; frankly we’re a bit sick of them too. And 2)… actually, we’ll just let Barry from Eastenders express our other response for us. Capiche?

‘Friend’ is an AI necklace designed to listen, talk and offer advice to its human companion. You simply press the button in the middle of the device and confess the deepest, darkest confines of your twisted little mind and Friend then forms its own thoughts using its embedded technology and responds appropriately. Eek.

But wait, there’s more! For reasons only known to them – and maybe their AI companions – the creators of Friend have been very insistent on stressing that Friend is “ALWAYS listening”. They’re not even trying to be subtle about the Orwellian overtones anymore. $99 is incredibly reasonably priced though, to be fair. Granted, you may be wilfully relinquishing your fundamental human right to privacy… but who doesn’t love a bargain?