Honey, I Shrunk the Athletes.

With the Paris Olympics having now mercifully come to a close, Japanese artist Tatsuya Tanaka is celebrating the games with a series of ‘miniature sculptures’ – although they look pretty average-sized to me.

Known for his ability to transform everyday objects into tiny, intricate settings, Tanaka uses a variety of household items to depict athletic scenes, including gymnastics, swimming, fencing, hurdles, and, of course, everyone’s new favourite sport… breakdancing. Can’t believe they’ve scrapped it already. Oh, Raygun, we hardly knew thee.

In all seriousness, we’d like to push back against all the people mocking Raygun. Did she look like a toddler having a seizure? Sure, but she gave it a go – and for that, we commend her. Plus we’re actually rather impressed that she managed to singlehandedly destroy the sport she loves in less time than it takes to air fry some chips. Respect, g.

Three Stripes and You're Out.

While we’re on the subject of sporting jokes… Arsenal. Their new third kid just dropped, and it is sublime. What they lack in winning mentality, Arsenal more than make up for in creativity and cultural chops. So, in 9 months’ time at the end of another trophyless season, at least Gooners can look back and say, “That Will Poulter ad was decent though, weren’t it?”

Produced by Places+Faces, the film is littered with Easter eggs and cultural references past and present, from Freddie Ljungberg’s trim to the brown jacket man to fans tracking potential new signings’ flights. Strange bunch…

Just last week Mikel Arteta hired a team of pickpockets to steal valuables from his players at a team dinner. Presumably he was inspired by the way Pep picked his pocket in last season’s title race. It would have been even more accurate if the thieves had picked their pockets, pulled their pants down and given them a smack bottom. But, as Poults points out, it’s precisely these unorthodox methods that make Arsenal who they are. That’s what makes them Originals. And that’s why they’ll be sporting the Trefoil this season. Them, and about a half a dozen other teams Adi sponsor. Original…

Concrete Jungle.

A load of animals have descended upon the streets of London. But that’s enough about last week. In other news, a load of animals have descended upon the streets of London… courtesy of Banksy.

After a few months off, Mr. Banksy unveiled a series of new stencil pieces including a mountain goat perched on a wall, two elephants greeting each other through windows, three monkeys swinging along an overpass, and many more critters popping up across the capital.

Everyone’s asking the same question… why? What oh-so-clever, countercultural, hidden meaning resides within that pelican’s beak? Maybe we should get a Central Saint Martin’s student to explain how the howling wolf is actually a metaphor for the plight of junior doctors.

You’d think the novelty of pseudo-subversive anonymous art would wear off, yet here we are still going strong a couple decades on. Even Banksy’s probably sick of Banksy by now, but it pays the bills. Err… not that he cares about money. F*ck capitalism. Fight the power. Yeah, right – he defo shops in Waitrose. Loves an organic Medjool date, does Banksy.

Sol Mates.

I wasn’t there so I can’t say for sure, but the impression I get of the 1950s and 60s is that everyone smoked and drank more, ate cheeseburgers every day, never logged a run on Strava, and somehow were happier, healthier and hotter. Now we’re all gluten intolerant and on SSRIs. How’s that work? I have a theory…

People have had many names for it. Ra, Helios, Tonatiuh, Amaterasu, and my personal favourite, the Mesopotamian Shamsah (she was trending during the bronze age). Based on absolutely no scientific evidence whatsoever – and probably in direct conflict with some – we’re going to boldly assert that our poor mental, physical and spiritual wellbeing is all due to the sun. Or rather, our lack of it.

Not only have we stopped worshipping the sun, we’re now taught to fear it. “Don’t look directly at it”, “Put on sun cream”, “Wear sunglasses”, “Stop exposing your perineum to it”. Enough is enough. It’s about time we get back to harnessing the power of the sun, and the EcoFlow Power Hat does just that. Fitted with solar panels, this lid allows wearers to charge their devices while strolling in the sun. Hmm. It’s practical, but I’m not sure this is exactly what the almighty Celestial Lord of the Solar Palace Ri Gong Tai Yang Xing Jun had in mind.

Björn Cyborg.

Nothing makes you feel out of touch like discovering that something you didn’t know existed – or could exist – is now releasing its second iteration. When did that happen? I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

In March 2023 robotics company Figure emerged and suddenly introduced the world (apparently) to Figure 01, an AI humanoid factory worker that can think, learn, interact, and just generally lend a cold, metal hand. Now, Figure 01 has evolved. Bet you can’t guess what they decided to call it.

Figure 02 is still an all-round factory helper, but now it can “think” for itself, converse with other workers and correct its own behaviour. So, basically, it’s exactly the same except it can join in with some of the “banter” on the factory floor. Wonder how long it’ll be before Figure 02 has its first HR violation. It’ll need every bit of its behaviour self-correction software after it misguidedly calls its boss ‘sweet cheeks’.

Dead Serious.

The question “Is this real?” must have been uttered more in the last few years than in any other era of history.

In the past, people believed in Apu Inti (Incan God of the sun – we promise that’s our last one). Now, in a world of deep fakes, cheap fakes and corn flakes, misinformation, disinformation, malinformation and too-much-information, we can’t even trust that our own sensory apparatus isn’t being deceived by some sort of Cartesian malin genie behind a laptop. You’d think this would make us more discerning when it comes to identifying phony marketing stunts, but this one has me stumped.

Titan have just released the Hypercasket. Modelled on the Tesla Cybertruck and made from bullet-proof 12-gauge steel, it’s been billed as the “world’s toughest coffin”. It also comes with a seatbelt, because you can never be too careful.

You’re having me on, right? Wrong. Titan absolutely insist that this is entirely real and in no way a joke. But that’s probably what they’d say if they were joking. My head hurts. Nothing is true, everything is permitted. I’m going for a lie down in my Hypercasket.