No Gain, All Pain.

It’s not easy finding the motivation to drag your flabby, decaying, putrescent corporeal vessel to the gym. At least that’s what people tell me after my morning 10k, calisthenics and cold plunge. But as hard as it may be to get to the gym, Gymbox are making sure it’s even harder to leave.

To celebrate Houdini’s 150^th birthday, Gymbox have developed a class in collaboration with the world record-breaking escapologist Rob Roy Collin. It combines circuit training with Houdini’s stunts, ultimately leading to a grand finale where participants are suspended upside down with their hands cuffed behind their backs, racing against the clock to escape.

Spare a thought for the poor ladies who thought they’d signed up for Legs, Bums n Tums and have now been chained to a radiator for 3 days.

Taking the Pastry.

April 11^th was a big news day. Joe Biden vowed ‘Ironclad’ US commitment to Israel amid fears of an Iranian attack, the EU passed an asylum and migration pact following eight years of deadlock, and Arizona Republicans thwarted attempts to repeal an 1864 abortion ban. Most importantly though, Lidl was crowned as the UK’s favourite supermarket bakery.

With 121 all-butter croissants sold every minute across the UK – and think how many are probably nicked on top of that – Lidl are celebrating their undisputed pastry supremacy by releasing a designer croissant bag in collaboration with Nik Bentel Studio.

Priced at a typically reasonable £50, the bag is available now and all profits will be going to the NSPCC – so now you’re not allowed to think it’s shit. A worthy cause, no doubt, but you could buy roughly 84.7 croissants for that. Decisions, decisions.

Stop Playing Around.

Recent data from Circana shows that adults aged 18 and up have now overtaken children aged 3 to 5 to become the biggest customer demographic for the toy industry. Oh good, we’ve regressed. Instead of confronting the problems we face as a society, we have adults playing with Spider-Man figurines while their kids watch on, crying. As the real world becomes intolerable, the only thing left to do is eschew the path of Abrahamic maximal adventure and retreat to the warm bosom of infantile satiation.

The good news, however, is that if you do happen to be one of these “kidults” – eugh – MSCHF have just released a new collab with Hot Wheels. Sorry, Not Wheels. Get it? Course not, you’re dressed as The Green Lantern.

A burnt-out old banger with dents, scratches, rusting, missing wheels, mismatched doors and taped-on brake lights may actually be the perfect symbol for a civilisation in decline. But for crying out loud, Darren, put the Action Man down! You’re 42!

Consolation Prize.

The new Adaptive Joystick and Thumbtack toppers aim to cater for various mobility needs, allowing users to game with their chin or feet. Because it is everyone’s God-given, inalienable human right to plough through hordes of Nazi zombies with an Uzi.

Robot Wars.

We realised this week’s coolsh*t has been far too on-brief, almost exclusively inhabiting the solipsistic, self-congratulatory realm of brand marketing… so here’s a robot.

With the G1 humanoid now ready for mass production, Unitree released this video of the faceless and mouthless robot showing off its flexibility by squatting, dancing, jumping, rotating in the air, and performing extreme stunts like walking up and down stairs.

That all sounds lovely, but the video takes a real turn in the last ten seconds when some bloke decides to have a scrap with the poor thing. That guy’s in for a tough afternoon when the robots cross the AGI Rubicon and decide they don’t particularly appreciate being booted in the shins for no apparent reason.

Fool Proof.

There’s a fine line that must be trod when it comes to work beers. What starts as one zingy IPA can quickly metastasize into you crying and telling a colleague that you hate them – or even worse, that you love them. Fortunately, Creative Juice’s ‘Desk Beer’ is here to help you find that balance and maintain Aristotle’s principle of the golden mean through delicious golden ale… and it’s even backed up by watertight pseudoscience.

In 2018, Professor Andrew Jarosz at Mississippi State University released a research paper that revealed how intoxication can be a helpful state for solving creative problems, with inebriated participants solving 13-20% more problems than those who were not.

So what you waiting for? Crack open a cold one and imbibe the sweet nectar of inspiration like your career depends on it… because it actually might. Just don’t overdo it and photocopy your bottom again. That’s frowned upon in most organisations these days. Bloody PC gone mad.