Calm Before the Storm.

For those of us in the UK intrigued and slightly alarmed by the American ads on CNN during election night, one stood out among the chaos. A sanctuary amidst ads for Ozempic and other strange American medicines, meditation app Calm brought 30 seconds of pure, uninterrupted silence. A moment of blissful stillness before the chaos resumed.  

For a brief period, Calm used the purchasing of ad space as an effective ad blocker; shielding viewers from the relentless barrage of products they don’t need and will probably kill them.  

It was the peace we craved before witnessing Trump cruise to victory. Calm seems to understand the psychological toll of today’s political landscape and offers a simple yet effective solution: silence. 

Nog-topus.

Watching an animated octopus cling to the head of a small child is not what I expected from Christmas ads this year, but I’m grateful nonetheless. Disney has never failed to make childhood dreams come true, even obscure ones like having a fishy friend stuck to your scalp. 

This is a heartwarming tale of friendship and discovery as the curious octopus, eager to explore the world, becomes an unlikely companion to the boy. If you ever watched the My Octopus Teacher documentary, you’ll know what great companions octopuses are (and yes, that’s octopuses, not octopi). They are remarkable creatures, nobly helping men through mid-life crises and befriending lonely children at Christmas. Perhaps it’s time we consider them in therapy. Especially since the FDA shot down MDMA. Kill joys. 

Sniffing Sneakers.

I’m picking up a whiff of bogus, notes of phony, and a subtle stench of fictitious. I can smell your fake Jordans from miles away. How, you ask, have I developed a sense of smell rivalling that of a cadaver dog? It’s with the wizardry of Osmo AI’s sensors that sniff out counterfeit luxury goods.  

Shoes are made with all sorts of strange chemically treated materials, adhesives and other elixirs that give off identifiable scents – making analysing scent signatures the key to authentication. 

It’s another chapter in the story of ‘AI took my job’. Believe it or not humans used to be employed to sniff out fake kicks. Unluckily for these niche professionals, there are certain molecular nuances the human nose simply can’t decipher. Is there anything robots can’t do? 

In Overdrive.

To do drugs or not to do drugs? That is the question. If you are going to do them, for Christ’s sakes do them safely. Overdrive is helping you party safer so you can party harder. They launched harm reduction supplies like Fentanyl test strips, spiking test strips and small spoons for safer dosing. Cute. 

Available on mainstream platforms like Amazon, Overdrive are removing the stigma around drug use. A quick test before racking up a line, no biggie. Taken straight from their Starface playbook, which took the shame out of having acne and made it stylish. 

Last year saw 100,000 overdose deaths; it’s clear Fentanyl poses a huge threat to today’s youth. Sadly, in many states in America these kits are considered paraphernalia and are banned under law. Brands like Overdrive represent a step towards normalising pragmatic safety over unrealistic abstinence.

Meatballs of Glory.

The highlight of any Ikea trip isn’t quite what you’d expect from a furniture store. It’s not the flatpack furniture, the kitchen gadgets, or cheap rugs that steal the show. At the end of the day, it’s all about the meatballs. 

Catching wind of what the people really want, Ikea have opened their first standalone restaurant. Now you don’t have to wander around a labyrinthine homeware store to get your hands on the good stuff. 

Local Hammersmithians can breathe a sigh of relief because, unlike their furniture, the menu items aren’t in Swedish. In fact, the menu is very simple, with staples like fish and chips, tomato pasta and of course the iconic meatballs. It’s classic Ikea: straightforward, fuss-free, and exactly what you’d want from the no-bullshit furniture giant.

Tacommodation.

Sometimes being a superfan pays off in unsuspecting ways. Ask Arabelle Holme, Leeds University’s most dedicated Taco Bell enthusiast, who according to campus legend, once camped overnight outside a Taco Bell to be the first to taste their seasonal fries and dip. Wouldn’t have thought she’d have anything better to do? 

Her dedication has earned her a generous reward: rent-free living for the rest of the academic year, all for the price of a burrito (£1.99). Her kitchen has also been transformed into a Taco Bell haven (or hell, as I see it), complete with menus and ordering screens, bringing the fast-food experience right to her home. 

With students being the backbone of late-night cravings, Taco Bell wanted to provide some relief from the cost-of-living crisis making it hard for people to enjoy student life to the fullest. Cheers Taco Bell for the weird gesture.