Browning Glory.

If the popularity of Spotify Wrapped is anything to go by, we’re all suckers for an end of year round-up. It appeals to the same inherent narcissism that makes people enjoy horoscopes and personality tests. There’s just something so incredibly ego-affirming about a computer program telling you that June was your ‘Mallgoth Permanent Wave Punk Moment’. You are so right, Spotify – finally I feel seen.

But why dwell on the past when we can look forward into a bold, bright future? And according to Pantone, the colour of that bold, bright future is… brown. *Touches imaginary earpiece* erm… are we sure this is the right envelope? This isn’t a La-La Land/Moonlight mix-up? Can we at least give it a sexier name?

Sorry, correction: it’s not brown, it’s Mocha Mousse. That’s better. Pantone claim their 2025 Colour of the Year suggests “the delectable qualities of chocolate and coffee, answering our desire for comfort”. Because nothing makes you feel more relaxed than mainlining 300mg of caffeine and demolishing an entire Toblerone in a sitting.

Peak Performance.

Between Caitlin Jenner declaring her intention to run for Governor of California, Travis Scott’s record-breaking Circus Maximus tour, and SKIMS’ new The North Face collab, we’re spoiled for choice when it comes to our quarterly celebration of the extended Kardashian family’s incremental but unmistakable ascent toward global cultural hegemony.

In a move nobody saw coming, hardly anyone can afford, and even fewer people were able to get their hands on after it sold out immediately, SKIMS x TNF headed to the slopes of Chile to release a line of tight-fitting, tonal skiwear. Careful you don’t get arrested by the ski police for public indecency.

Some people are saying the collection is very Yeezy. We disagree. We say it’s very mocha mousse. See, they’re always one step ahead.

Jean Therapy.

Climbing a mountain wearing nothing but a pair of blue jeans looks undeniably badass. The problem, however, is that it isn’t terribly practical… until now.

SATISFY Running and Levi’s have created the 501 Re-Possessed Climb Jeans, an innovative reimagining of the iconic model designed specifically for climbers. They come equipped with an adjustable belt system, a zippered Rippy Dyneema pocket, reinforced knee panels, a gusseted crotch and a chalk brush divider in the back left pocket. Basically, all the things you need to scale El Cap while looking like a true patriot.

I’ve never felt so proud to be an American – and I’m not one, so that’s really saying something. Throw in a bald eagle and a Desert Eagle and I’ll sing Star-Spangled Banner until I get laryngitis.

P-Class.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the Catholic church? Ok, not that. What’s the second thing? That’s right: the Pope. And when you’re thinking about the Pope, it probably doesn’t take long for your mind to wander to the Popemobile. Now, it has a new look.

Mercedes-Benz have transformed the papal whip into a fully-electric G-Class ahead of the 2025 Jubilee in Rome. And forget popemobile, this is a Bonafide pimpmobile. I don’t know whether to ask him for a blessing or a tens bag.

Some marketers have suggested that we may have passed peak influencer. Those marketers have obviously never had a product endorsement from God. This is the omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent Almighty we’re talking about, not some Love Island reject flogging teeth whitening snake oil. There are levels to this game.

Act Promptly.

Has anybody heard from Sheikh Mansoor lately? We’re worried he might have gone skint. What other logical explanation can there be for Manchester City having sacked their design team this week?

Following the release of their Inverse sneaker, Puma are doubling down on AI – and they’re bringing City along for the ride, whether they like it or not. In a first-of-its-kind initiative, the pair are inviting fans to use AI to submit designs for the club’s official third kit for the 2026/27 season. Now all City need to do is find some fans.

Opinion is divided over whether this is innovative or just lazy. Could this be another Boaty McBoatface situation that sees City end up with egg on their face and cocks on their shirt? Time will tell. Personally, I view this the same way I view Korean BBQ – I appreciate the novelty, but you’re not getting a tip if I’m doing most of the work.

Dyer Hard.

From City’s AI kit, to AC Milan’s 125^th anniversary release, to Fontaines DC’s collaboration with Bohemians, to Kappa’s latest piece de resistance for FC Versailles, we had an embarras des richesses of football kit launch material for this week’s coolsh*t. But amidst this maelstrom of fleeting ephemera, Paddy Power are here to offer us a much-needed reminder that a football shirt is for life, not just for Christmas.

Featuring cameos from a mulleted Danny Dyer getting shirty and Eddie Hearn flaunting his cash (I wonder how he got into character…), Paddy Power entered the Christmas ad game in the only way they know how: taking the piss.

The narrative follows the life of a long-suffering ‘Hardlypool United’ supporter through all the highs and lows all true football fans will know – unless they support Everton, in which case it’s just the lows – only to see the cycle repeat as he gifts his son the same team’s shirt. You might think this is just a ‘footy bants’ ad to get people to gamble, but clearly it’s really an evocation of Nietzsche’s concept of eternal recurrence. Either that or Ouroboros. Or the defiant laughter of Sisyphean revolt against the absurdity of existence. Defo one of those.