Metamorphosis.

Mark Zuckerberg’s transition into a bro is now complete.

Meta announced sweeping changes to their content moderation protocols this week. Fact-checking is out, community notes are in. Censorship is out, free speech is in. Nick Clegg is out, Dana White is in. That last one may actually be the most telling. We’re sure it’s just a coincidence that Mr. White is a good buddy of the POTUS-in-waiting.

Opinion is divided. On the one hand, this could be seen as a knee-bending, ring-kissing display of obeisance to the new Trump administration in an act of cynical corporate self-preservation. On the other hand, it’s hard to think of many examples throughout history in which the people censoring speech were ‘the good guys’. Granted, this means more ‘bad stuff’ will appear on Meta’s platforms. But surely freedom of speech isn’t only supposed to protect nice speech which we all like – I’d be out of a job. And do we really want social media platforms as the arbiters of truth? This change may be craven, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t correct.

So, what we saying? Is it cool? Is it sh*t? Is this really a return to the-artist-formerly-known-as-Facebook’s founding principles? Are Meta responding to a genuine shift in public opinion, or are they being blown by the capricious winds of political and pecuniary opportunism? Have your say – and feel free to make that say as rude as you like, because nobody can stop you now.

Close Shave.

A new year offers a wonderful opportunity for reflection. It’s a time to release old thoughts and forgive old hurts, making room in your heart for love, peace and happiness. Or… it could also be an opportunity to be less tolerant and more spiteful, petty and vituperative. At least that’s a resolution you might keep.

Dollar Shave Club agree. They returned to our screens this week with their first campaign since being unshackled from Unilever, who apparently ‘neutered’ the razor brand of the disruptive ethos that made them fork out a cool billy to acquire them back in 2016.

Dollar Shave Club celebrated their rediscovered independence by going full-on balls to the wall (and the bench, towel and plate, apparently). The first rule of Dollar Shave Club? Don’t talk about Dollar Shave Club. And always rinse your razors before shaving your pal’s back. And no photos. Groucho Marx’s misanthropic maxim be damned, we’re in. It’s like if the freemasons were better groomed, minus all the Synagogue of Satan stuff. Just don’t ever refer to them as a gang.

Buzz Off.

More people than ever are kicking the booze for Dry January in an act of wilful self-abnegation to repent for the indulgences of the month prior. But what other people are doing is almost always wrong. The proper attitude for a flourishing human being is one of chronic scepticism and dissent. The more people who partake in Dry January, the more reason you have not to do so. Trying to be healthier, are we? Want to feel better about yourself, do ya? Grow up.

If only there were a way of feeling like you’re doing something good for yourself without really doing anything at all. According to Walkers, there is. Launching with a campaign featuring Danny Dyer reprising his role as Queen Vic landlord Mick Carter to serve pub-goers pints of crisps, Walkers have branded themselves as the “official snack partner of Dry January” by adding a 0.0% alcohol claim to packs of their better-for-you range.

Expect to see more brand comms like these around low-fat/sugar/salt/saturate products in 2025 when the government’s new HFSS laws ban pre-watershed fast food adverts. Fortunately junk food junkies are unlikely to emulate the farmers protests – not because they’re any less upset, just because they can’t be arsed.

New Year, New Skin.

Of all the animals on the Chinese zodiac, the snake best represents new beginnings. A leopard can’t change its spots, but a snake can certainly shed its skin. There’s a reason the ouroboros depicts the eternal cycle of destruction and rebirth through a serpent eating its own tail, not a rabbit or a pig – although I would quite like to see that.

With 2025 being the Year of the Snake, fashion brands aren’t about to waste this opportunity for serpentine sartorial elegance (read that in Chris Eubank’s voice). Within 5 minutes of trawling for coolsh*t fodder, we were confronted with Year of the Snake capsules from, to name but a few, Bape, Stone Island, adidas, Diesel, Swatch, Giorgio Armani, Dr Martens, Prada, Kenzo, Chloé, Tiffany & Co, Swarovski and UNDEFEATED China. That’s weird, I typed UNDEAFETED Taiwan but it autocorrected. Probably just a glitch.

That’s a lot of parallel thinking. With everyone doing different versions of the same idea, each collection starts to blur into forgettable anonymity. The problem is that every brand is staking a claim without much justification – and the Year of the Snake isn’t Canada, Greenland or the Panama Canal. The one exception: Nike. They changed a whole entire word to launch a far-more-ownable ‘Year of the Mamba’ collection in honour of Kobe Bryant, challenging athletes “to choose the hard, uncomfortable path in the year ahead, all in dedication to fulfilling their most audacious dreams”. Very Nietzchean. We approve.

Best Buds.

We promise this’ll be the last of our novus annus-themed vaporous platitudinising until 2026. Deep breath. Here we go.

Sticking to new year’s resolutions can be tough. Who really has the time to manage their mental health, get a six pack, learn Spanish, and make sure their dahlias don’t die? But Natura Umana’s AI Humanpods are here to help.

The wearer taps the touch-sensitive earbuds for assistance, the HumanPods analyse the request and then act accordingly as a therapist, assistant, gardener, language teacher, fitness coach, travel guide or legal advisor. I know we’re all meant to be multi-hyphenates these days, but that’s just taking the piss. Plus these are probably more useful than a part-time recruitment consultant, part-time DJ, and full-time dickhead.

We do however feel obliged to urge you not to rely on your headphones for legal counsel – but as a good rule of thumb: if you have to ask if it’s legal, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

Save Your Breath.

Disclaimer: this last story is utterly ridiculous and reading about it will almost certainly be a complete waste of the precious time you could apply to more noble pursuits like doomscrolling TikTok, doing your laundry, or plugging the idealistic gap in Rousseau’s social contract theory with the very Hobbesian logic he sought to refute. Consider yourself warned.

If you’re still here, feast your eyes on this little beauty. At CES 2025, Yukai Engineering unveiled Nékojita FuFu, a portable mini robot that cools down hot drinks and food by blowing on them, so you don’t have to.

Sling your hook, AI humanpods. Kick rocks, ChatGPT. Laters, Cybertruck. This is what technological process is all about. It’s just so pointless, and that’s precisely what makes it so very necessary. The profundity resides within the triviality. Imagine trying to explain this to a medieval peasant. They’d be even more confused than if you told them about Peloton. So you’re saying you pay 2 grand for a bike that doesn’t go anywhere so you can burn the calories you consume from food delivered to your door by a guy on an actual bicycle? The world is fun.